meditative
a few nights ago i made a hearty pot of potato chowder with spam. it's either been uber eats or frozen foods for most dinners since work has sucked me of all the energy to cook like i used to, so, yes actually, this was a step up despite choosing to go with an ambiguous block of meat. i felt so at peace, chopping up red onions, potatoes, carrots, and spam; i had forgotten how much i loved cooking. particularly on noisy days, the repetition and mindlessness are the medicine i need. i can run on autopilot, switch from knife to spatula to spoon as i think about my day or laugh to myself about shower thoughts or my favorite memories. i can improvise with ingredients and portions without worrying since cooking is so adaptable, if a flavor combination doesn't work, i can turn a different direction and adjust from there. even under the pressure of time, i feel relaxed and confident enough knowing that i can whip up something mostly edible.
i haven't maintained a bullet journal since graduating, i just didn't see the benefit in it when i no longer had assignments and overlapping deadlines to stress out about. and yet it's a routine i often think about returning to. missing that sense of organization, i set up an August calendar in my regular journal earlier this week. i put on a playlist and got lost in the act of listing out the days of the week digit by digit and their accompanying events. setting up monthly spreads is probably my favorite part of maintaining a bujo. the mindlessness is bliss.
i didn't think working out at the gym would ever be included in this list but if multiple repetitions of an exercise, counting to yourself, and focusing on your current action aren't the definitions of meditative... there are zero cons to going to the gym, just pros all around. it's almost been a week since my last visit, i need to go yesterday.
on that note, i should really start meditating again. handling boredom is getting harder these days. doomscrolling has me by the throat. one more video, i say, but as soon as i know it, it's been two hours. i am real tired of it—physically, mentally—it's affected my sleep, my well-being, just about everything. i want to learn how to comfortably sit alone with my thoughts again without fidgeting or immediately reaching for my phone.
off to do my night routine and hopefully fall asleep as i read.