matcha curfew
i can't do vague matcha drinking cutoff times of "3 to 4-ish." after accidentally taking a half-hour nap with my dog during work hours, i took a matcha break at 4 in the afternoon to help me hammer through all the outstanding tasks i procrastinated on doing in the morning. it certainly worked, but now at 3 am my heart is cranked up to 100 beats per second and outpacing the crystal singing bowl song i tried to fall asleep to. lesson learned: 3 pm is the absolute latest i can have a verdant cup of tea without being forced to pull an all nighter. note! to! self! please write this down.
in any case, this is life lately:
- happy to report that my urge to write hasn't remained a stagnant ball of energy. i've actually been writing in my journal consistently, making sure to jot down at least one sentence to sum up the day before i go to bed. to be honest, updating my journal has felt like a chore for most of the year. there's two parts as to why i think that's changed. one, the fear of getting older and wanting to preserve every memory as best i can before i run out of time. two, the very real physical and mental discomfort i feel whenever i go weeks or months without getting my thoughts and feelings out; writing is essential to me in this way.
- related to above, i bought the Kodak Mini 2 Retro (why did they name it this?! it's so unnatural-sounding), a four-pass portable photo printer to help decorate my journal spreads. i've been meaning to buy a printer for ages now, but because i am someone who thoroughly needs to research a product before buying, i watched the same mini photo printer comparison video about three times in the span of five months just to be sure. i came to the conclusion that all of the printer options have paper jamming issues, so i just needed to take a gamble and pick one. so far, i'm happy with my purchase! i love how easy it is to print a photo from my phone; they make my pages so much richer with no effort at all.
- in my concert era. my toxic trait, i would say, is being cheap at the expense of (my) happiness. but again, with the clock ticking, i've been giving myself permission to let loose and indulge in watching my favorite and even not-so-favorite artists live. my most recent favorite was Sasha Keable, an R&B artist from the UK. idk, i really think the best music comes from the UK. i wish i had trusted in the real joy listening to live music gave me sooner, but we live and we learn, and we're here!
- my tolerance for overstimulation is getting smaller and smaller. i thought getting older would mean a better handle on things, not less. recently, i have a harder time staying calm and collected in noisy environments (barring music venues). it used to be much easier to zone out, to not be so affected by loud sounds clashing with each other. today, my tolerance for loudness is nearing non-existent. just the other day i couldn't stop from sobbing because i had just been overloaded with stimuli. while it was a good release, i'd prefer if it didn't happen again. perhaps i need to stop believing in the idea of a "normal" person who should be able to take "minor" "inconveniences." it's high time my ear plugs become my new best friend.