my one year work anniversary is coming up and boy, oh boy, i've learned heaps of lessons in what has felt like eons squashed into a single year. i hate to admit that i've gotten value from the soul-sucking corporate world but fine.

lesson 1: taking initiative & acting on my ideas

i love coloring inside the lines. as long as i have a designated area, my brain is on autopilot and i am thriving. but the concept of established processes and rules in a startup? pretty much non-existent. i exaggerate but not really. i've mostly been creating work for myself and holding myself responsible for their completion, whether it's meant having to bug a coworker 10x about their part or sucking it up and asking a question on a slack channel.

the greatest lesson here has been acting on ideas. i have great ideas (my muscles are doing everything they can not to wince at my attempt at being self-assured; the backspace button is so tempting!), i just need to scrape together all the confidence i have to bring them to life without letting my perfectionist tendencies stop me from making an attempt altogether. like that age-old saying, it's the journey, not the destination.

lesson 2: overcommunicate

sadly, i can't assume people will understand that me nodding means "i completely understand the instructions and am ready to start working on the assignment and yes i will submit it to you on friday." especially not through a screen. people need explicit assurance.

i've mostly gotten by on assumption. while things usually go my way (the stars and planets say i'm lucky and i believe it), i can't rely on luck alone when my source of income is at stake. since holding down this job, i've learned how necessary it is to voice almost everything on my mind to make sure me and my coworkers are on the same page. speaking more than five words at a time has been a challenge, let alone expressing my thoughts in real time, but it's a necessary trial i've been able to practice in my personal life as well. i just didn't think rambling my way through my overgrown thought process would help reassure others, that piecing my logic together would also allow others to understand me better. contrary to what i want to believe, no one is a mind reader after all.

i'm also reminded to be people's cheerleader more often. words of affirmation hold so much weight and i don't think anyone could ever tire of being recognized and understood.

lesson 3: i am their equal

power dynamics have run my life: parent/child, teacher/student, eldest sibling/younger sibling... naturally, i would apply the same dichotomy in a work environment. but, again, in this job it hasn't been entirely applicable. my seniors have encouraged me to have open discussions and to push back when i need to. i couldn't have asked for better bosses and teammates, to be honest. if not for them, i would have continued shrinking in my inferiority complex.

don't get me wrong, though, i sharply feel the power dynamics regardless of when another employee gets the boot or when days are quiet.

bonus: observations from corporate hell actually

• corporate speak as a way of softening meanings, i.e. "bandwidth" for energy or workload. there are plenty more terms that i've forgotten but refuse to utter. they're not going to get me!!
• forcing workers to return to the office for "collaboration" and "productivity" and not because rent is due
• i am blanking but i guarantee when i clock in tomorrow, the frustrations will come crashing in a sudden wave