comfortable
not to be melodramatic or anything, but why is loneliness so comforting? funny i would even ask myself that because if i were being an optimistic liar, i would tell myself i am not lonely, just alone! but maybe because i've been like this for so long, this way of being has become my default, my home. is that toxic? i don't know. it's like warming my hands in front of a fireplace because i have nothing else to do. it is a little chilly so i reach my arms out but i know palming a little warmth will do next to nothing to warm my body. it's routine turned into comfort. i really don't want to say that the special feeling of being content with myself has worn off but to be real, it's like, i've achieved that goal and now i need to move onto the next one. i just need to get out of this cloak, however warm it may be, and trial and error my way through new things that can bring me comfort.