the sharp, slicing wind that signals the start of the colder seasons used to bring with it a sparkle. i'd step outside and feel a refreshing clarity despite my drippy nose. i felt it on my first year of high school, the first day of fall and winter, on Christmas, walking past people who had just unearthed their winter coat that morning like i had. there was a newness to those experiences my younger self couldn't help but be excited about. i would smile as i rushed to science class and wondered why the kids around me were frowning as if learning wasn't something to be grateful for. Christmas Eve with knee-deep snow may have been the worst time to be waddling outside with bags of last minute wrapped gifts and food in hot aluminum trays but the air itself was motivating, like it knew it was a day of celebration. i never questioned the sheen that seemed to be intrinsic to those cold days until it started to fade. it was gradual at first, a small questioning hm! that i could brush off, but now it's coming at a speed that makes me wish i made the effort to keep the glow from dimming much earlier.

the movies and cartoons were right: growing older really dulls things, places, people, and experiences. everything is a little less exciting and surprising. instead of an overlay of hope, it's pessimism and nerves by default. more prominent than before at least. how do i get the glint back?