my weekends have gone like this: eat, clean the kitchen, rot on the sofa watching youtube videos of all genres (music videos, six-second video game clips, unnecessary commentaries and video essays, tiktok compilations, day in the life vlogs), fall asleep inevitably, wake up feeling like a bag of sludge, realize it's already 5 pm, go on a walk with my dog to get a fill of fresh air.

our recent walks have been after sunset, so i got used to seeing only strips of trees and electrical boxes under the glow of the dim streetlights. mostly, though, it was darkness. even with the cold in the negative double digits, i didn't wear my hood out of caution. today we went when the sun was still out. i was glad i could see my surroundings without squinting. my hood was also down but less for caution and more to feel the wind sting my cheeks. we didn't run into other pups but i did get to have a brief interaction with a neighbor thanks to my very barky dog. my neighbor, a middle-aged man, was hauling a box out of his car and in the mandatory baby voice asked my small dog why she was barking at him. (she's an all-bark-no-bite kind of dog, i wanted to say). i tugged at her to get going and he told us to have a good evening. "you too!" i replied, and we continued down our route.

in the past (yesterday), i would consider a walk without bumping into anyone successful, but i am gradually nudging myself to lean more into spontaneous experiences. as my own worst critic, my superpower is turning every interaction into an embarrassing memory—a draining feedback loop. i am dusting off my already forgetten new year's resolution and my hardly used affirmation and reminding myself that as long as i tried my best, as long as my intentions were good, that's all that matters.

some more pleasant things from today's walk:

• that one dog in a backyard, chilling so elegantly even in negative degree weather
• the chilly but refreshing air
• a mother and daughter going on their evening walk, too
• a german sheperd and its owner playing fetch at the park
• the smell of laundry piping out of a nearby house